Child Repellent

Someone told me that in the open air markets in Cancun (such as Mercado 28), there are hoardes of cute and adorable (debatable, I'm sure) small children that will swarm and put bracelets and stuff on you hoping to get money in return. Apparently they are not to be deterred and are quite persistent. Just how charming is that??

Not very! According to me, a self professed small-child-disliker. I don't like most normal small children, swarming ones in a public place who touch me are even worse. (Of course there are exceptions and some small children are fine but MOST small children I can easily do without. Just wanted to say that before you all start firing up your hate mail to me).

So I got to thinking......on my list of many things to pack (sunglasses, sunscreen, bathing suit, etc.) I have listed Insect Repellent. Wouldn't it be great if there were such a thing as Child Repellent? Imagine a small child running up and touching me and immediately falling to the ground, eyes rolled back in their head, flat on their back, legs twitching uncontrollably. Oh, and the repellent absolutely must render them silent, too, otherwise the cure could be worse that the disease. By the way, I told Karen about my new product idea, and she immediately ordered a case.

For the heck of it, I Googled "Child Repellent" and found that there already is a product on the market! Not exactly like I imagined (I can still invent something and make my millions), but still quite effective. Let me introduce you to the Mosquito MK4 Multi Age Unit:



Apparently, people under the age of about 20 can hear high frequency sound that those of us who are, um, just a little older, can't hear. This small device invented in the UK will emit an unpleasant sound up to 130 feet away that's sure to be an effective repellent for swarming children and troublesome teenagers.

It also has two frequency settings, one to disperse groups of under 20 years of age, OR set it to 8 KHz to disperse annoying people of ANY AGE from areas where loitering can be an issue.

Oh, Santa......